Many of us don’t realize how much time we spend or actually waste trying to prove our worthiness to others. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, regardless of your age, race, or educational background we all want to feel loved, accepted, and acknowledged for our contributions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem lies when this becomes our only motivation behind what and why we engage.
Nowadays it seems almost inevitable to escape spiraling down the rabbit hole of purchases, paper chasing, and posturing to prove you deserve to be where you are. Of course, social media has definitely heightened and contributed to this constant hustle for worthiness. And honestly, I feel like Black women especially feel the pressure even more. From our bodies to how we wear our hair, from knowing how to be a boss in business to a submissive woman in a relationship, from how we raise our babies to choosing not to have any…I mean seriously, EVERYDAY we go out into the world feeling like we have something to prove.
Even now, we still hear stories of those who spend the majority of their lives pursuing a career, business, relationship, etc. because that’s what someone told them they should do. And rather than disappoint the suggester, they followed the path of MOST resistance to prove they were a good child, spouse, employee, etc. They put someone else’s opinions before their own passion and intuition. When we hear these stories, the question often asked is why would someone do that? Why would someone be solely driven by their need to prove someone wrong or right?
Well, here are 4 ways how we get stuck trying to prove ourselves to other people:
1. We don’t want to be labeled a failure
Often times we will stay in jobs, relationships, partnerships etc. because we don’t want to feel like we failed. We don’t want to “look bad” to our parents, family, friends, or associates. No one likes to admit when they’re wrong or made a mistake especially if we went hard about the decision in the first place. We let the embarrassment and shame of our choices keep us pigeonholed in situations that may no longer be good for us. But staying stuck just to prove a point is way more damaging to our self-esteem than walking away. Being able to admit when we’ve jumped the gun develops our character and keeps us humble. At the end of the day, all we’ve done is proved that we’re human. Remember, there are no losses only lessons!
2. We say yes or over commit
Busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to” -Rob Bell. Ah yes! We live in culture that seems to have an utter disdain for stillness. But seasons of quietude is when we often receive the most clarity and direction. We’ve become accustomed though to believing if you’re not constantly busy doing something then obviously you are not being productive. When will we learn busy does not necessarily equate to successful. However, we’ve been conditioned to say yes to things we probably shouldn’t in hopes it will be our opportunity to gain the approval or respect from those we are seeking validation. This idea keeps many of us overextended and burnt out. Listen up, the goal is not to be busy but purposeful. Trust me, when you begin to show up not just for someone to see that you are there but start showing up because there is a divine purpose for you being there, you will go a lot further faster.
3. We say no and never commit
So on the flip-side of the coin, some of us get trapped trying to prove we don’t need anyone so we say no or never commit to anything. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say I have “commitment issues”. How Sway? Honestly, what they are really saying is I’m not willing to commit to anything or anyone that will require me to be challenged, confront my triggers, and grow. But no man is an island. We all need mentors, good counsel, great connections, and willing workers to get to where we want to go. Don’t let your pride have you trying to prove you can do it all on your own.
4. We Refuse to Forgive
Now I would have to say this is the most powerful one of them all. Lack of forgiveness is probably the number one motivation behind proving ourselves to others. We’ve all had situations in our lives where we’ve felt overlooked, unappreciated, or underestimated. And when that comes from those we love, respect, or admire it can be downright devastating. The pain of being undervalued usually sends us into a space of “I’ll show them.” After you “show them” and they don’t respond or react the way you hoped, you’ll still feel empty and unfulfilled. So FORGIVE them! Whoever it was, let it go. Move on because I’m sure they have.
So what’s motivating you? Don’t waste your time and energy pursuing things just to prove somebody wrong or right. At the end of the it’s your life and those you’re trying to prove something to more than likely could care less. Your purpose here on earth is greater than getting someone’s approval. Don’t second guess who you are and your ability to accomplish your God-ordained destiny. Stay divinely connected to your true calling and everything else will fall in place. That is how you live a truly free and abundant life.
AFFIRM DAILY: I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF. I AM WORTHY & I AM ENOUGH.
Reese LaFrances is Certified Life Coach, Award-Winning Social Entrepreneur, and Founder/President of the Young Women Professionals League. Find her online at www.reeselafrances.com.